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Witty Blake's 7 Quotes by Character


These are quotes which amused me. I hope there are some you haven't seen before.


Crew (in order of appearance)















Guest characters




The Way Back


RAVELLA: It's natural water. The stuff we get's been recycled a thousand times and it's dosed with suppressants.

BLAKE: Improves the flavour if nothing else.


VILA: Friends in high places? Can't you put a word in for me?

BLAKE: I'll try and think of one.


Space Fall


RAIKER: You could have won, Blake. All you needed was guts.
BLAKE: I'll settle for yours.


JENNA: [after they fail to take over the ship] What do you think they'll do to us?
: Something unfriendly.


Cygnus Alpha


BLAKE: Handgun?
AVON: It's a bit elaborate for a toothpick.
BLAKE: Depends how elaborate their teeth were.


JENNA: There are a lot of controls that I haven't dared touch yet.

BLAKE: Well, I doubt whether we'd understand the manuals, so go ahead and try one. Go on.

JENNA: Well, don't blame me if it's self-destruct.

BLAKE: I doubt if I'd ever speak to you again.


JENNA: [asking about the teleport] What was it like?

BLAKE: Well, nothing at all really. It's a bit like your property when Vila's around. Suddenly it's somewhere else.


Time Squad


[on a capsule running out of air]

BLAKE: He's taking his time.

JENNA: It's delicate manoeuvre. He'll get there.

BLAKE: I'm breathless with anticipation.




BLAKE: Vila, try and stay alert.

VILA: Of course I will. How can you doubt me?

BLAKE: It isn't easy, but somehow I manage it.


AVON: Logic says we're dead!

BLAKE: Logic has never explained what dead means.




AVON: Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity of which I no longer feel capable.

BLAKE: Now, you're just being modest.




BLAKE: And don't take any stupid risks. We're taking enough of those down here.


[Vila is working on Blake's explosive neckband]

VILA: And if I get it wrong, bang—no head.

BLAKE: I trust you.

VILA: And if it blows up and I'm right behind you—

BLAKE: That's why I trust you.




ENSOR: I disapprove of weapons.

BLAKE: So do I, but I disapprove of dying even more.




AVON: For example, imagine that you are standing on the edge of a cliff.

BLAKE: As long as you're not standing behind me.


BLAKE: It's all right, Vila. I think we've lost them.

VILA: How d'you know?

BLAKE: We're still here.


BLAKE: Avon, concentrate on Zen. Give priority to the detectors and the navigation systems. And then see if you can get us some scans.

AVON: Is that all? What shall I do with the other hand?

BLAKE: I'll let you know.




VILA: But that's Space City, one of my all-time great ambitions.

BLAKE: You'd probably be disappointed.

VILA: I'll take that chance.

BLAKE: I would never forgive myself, Vila.




VILA: There's a sliding section in the roof—they're launch doors [he opens and closes them]

BLAKE: Why don't you do that again? Maybe they didn't hear you.


VILA: [opening a safe] Watch this—it should open like a dream [the safe door explodes]

BLAKE: More like a nightmare.


Star One


BLAKE: Maximum scan, Cally. Look for anything unusual or out of place, sudden temperature variation, anything. They're bound to have left some clue as to where they put that installation. A door would be nice if you could manage it.

CALLY: I'll do my best.

BLAKE: Preferably one marked 'Entrance'.


ANDROMEDAN: Why have you betrayed your own kind? Why have you given us the means to eradicate your species?

BLAKE: [pretending to be Travis] Eradicate humanity?

ANDROMEDAN: Virtually.

BLAKE: Well, maybe I just don't like crowds.




BLAKE: Do you know it's getting so you can't make a dishonest living on this planet anymore?





The Way Back


VILA: Easy! Take it easy! I hate personal violence, especially when I'm the person.


VILA: [about Cygnus Alpha] Try to look on the bright side. It must have something. None of the guests have ever left early. In fact, none of them have ever left at all.


VILA: [handing back the watch he stole from Blake] Just taking care of it while you were unconscious. This place is full of criminals.


BLAKE: What about the others?

VILA: Oh, a very antisocial bunch. Murderers, liars, cheats, [looks at Jenna] smugglers...

JENNA: [looks at Vila] Thieves...

VILA: And they're the nice people.


Space Fall


VILA: Do you think this is a good time for me to tell them I suffer from flight sickness?

NOVA: I don't think they'll be very sympathetic.

JENNA: I expect they'll find a cure for it, though. A permanent one probably.

VILA: [alarmed] They amputate your head!


VILA: Blake — Kerr Avon. When it comes to computers, he's the number two man in all the Federated worlds.
: Who's number one?
: The guy who caught him.


VILA: Perhaps we should get on with it, d'you think, maybe?

GAN: Maybe. Don't be so nervous, Vila.

VILA: Nervous? I'm not nervous. Just...poised for action, that's all.


Cygnus Alpha


VILA: This is nice, isn't it? What a miserable hole. If we all complained, do you think they'd give us a refund?


SELMAN: What about guards, authorities?
: Why should they bother? It's a long walk back.


GAN: Wait. There's a building.

VILA: Cosy.

GAN: What do you think it is?

VILA: The architectural style is early maniac.

ARCO: We need food and shelter.

VILA: But do we need them that badly?


Time Squad


VILA: So much for federation pursuit ships.

GAN: At least we know we can outrun them.

VILA: Outrun them? In this we can out-stroll them!


JENNA: Getting nervous?

VILA: No, I've been nervous all along.


VILA: [about Avon's handling of the Liberator] Very delicate. You know, with hands like that and a decent upbringing, he might have made a respectable pickpocket.


BLAKE: You have to be careful of the plant life around here. Some of it's carnivorous. Some species even have an intelligence rating.

VILA: That's a comfort. I should hate to be eaten by something stupid.


BLAKE: Well, our aim's the same. But I wasn't planning a suicide mission.

VILA: I should hope not.

CALLY: He fears death?

VILA: I plan to live forever. Or die trying.


BLAKE: You can open it?

VILA: One side, please. [picks the lock] There you are.

BLAKE: [opening the door] Good, Vila. Very good.

VILA: It was almost nothing.




BLAKE: Right. Hang on everyone. This is going to be rough.

VILA: I don't mind rough. It's fatal I'm not too keen on.


Project Avalon


VILA: That has Klyber fastenings on the other side. You need a lot of explosives or a genius to open that.

BLAKE: Can you do it?

VILA: Of course.


The Web


[after Cally was possessed by the 'Lost']

GAN: Avon says that's because she's an alien.

VILA: Everyone's an alien to him.


ZEN: This star system is largely uncharted.

VILA: Oh, that's marvellous. We're not sure where we are, but if we were sure, they wouldn't know where it was anyway.


[after Vila was knocked out by the possessed Cally]

BLAKE: Vila, go and see how Cally is, will you?

VILA: Must I?

JENNA: It's not catching.

VILA: It brought my head out in lumps.




JENNA: Are you ready?

VILA: Tell him I've just worked out a completely new strategy. It's called running away.


BLAKE: How did you get in there?

VILA: There isn't a lock I can't open—if I'm scared enough.

BLAKE: Are you scared enough for that one?

VILA: What do you think?


BLAKE: Nice going.

VILA: Any very talented person could have done it.


[Vila distracts some Federation guards while Blake sneaks up from behind]

VILA: Hello there. How are you? Excuse me wandering about your premises but I wonder if you can help me? I'm an escaped prisoner. I was a thief but recently I've become interested in sabotage, in a small way you understand, nothing too ambitious. I hate vulgarity, don't you? Anyway, I've come to blow something up. What do you think will be most suitable?


The Web


BLAKE: Have the locators detected the outer edge of the storm yet?

VILA: No. Yes! No! Maybe...

BLAKE: Which is it, Vila?

VILA: It's maybe.




BLAKE: Hmm. Well, presumably Zen will come back to us when we're out of danger.

VILA: Sounds like a good idea. Any chance of joining him?




AVON: As a matter of fact, I don't like the look of it either.

VILA: [to himself] He agrees with me.

AVON: The flight path is too erratic.

VILA: Makes it all seem worthwhile somehow.




MEEGAT: [to Avon] All things are known to you. You are truly Lord

VILA: Counting yourself, that makes two people who think you're wonderful.


[after a fight with primitives]

AVON: That was close.

VILA: No respect. They obviously didn't realise who you were.




JENNA: Modest, isn't he?

ORAC: Modesty would be dishonesty.

VILA: What's wrong with being dishonest?




 [after an attack by unknown ships]

VILA: So why did they pick on me?

AVON: I doubt if it was personal, Vila.

VILA: It felt personal. It always feels personal when someone tries to kill me.


VILA: If it ever comes to a showdown, my money's on Blake. Well, half of it. I'll put the other half on Avon.


BLAKE: No, I don't think it wants to kill us.

AVON: Well, not yet, anyway. It's saving us for something.

VILA: Dinner?




VILA: And it's the service grades where the Terra Nostra really operate. Without anaesthetic, usually.


BLAKE: She is an alien.

AVON: She is more human than I am.

VILA: That's not difficult.




BLAKE: But where are we going to find a centre that will take us in for a month's rest and rehabilitation?

VILA: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, what's the point of being famous if you can't get a last minute booking?


Pressure Point


 [after Gan runs with Vila across the forbidden zone]

BLAKE: You took a big risk there, Gan.

GAN: I thought it might save time. Besides, I needed a pacemaker.

VILA: Me, too. Implanted in me heart.




VILA: All the home comforts. [he pours himself a drink]

AVON: Leave that stuff alone.

VILA: You live your way, I'll live mine. Mm, must be all of two days old.


TYNUS: So that's the way it is?

AVON: Well, let's just say I did you a favour and now I'm collecting.

VILA: Nice. When Avon holds out the hand of friendship, watch his other hand. That's the one with the hammer.


VILA: Nerves getting a little frayed?

AVON: There are a quarter of a million volts running through that converter. I make one false move, I'll be so crisped up what's left of me won't fit into a sandwich.

VILA: I'm a vegetarian. Thanks for the offer, though.




[after a space battle]

VILA: I could murder a relaxant. Any chance?

CALLY: It's for medicinal purposes only. You know that.

VILA: This once?

CALLY: Well, are you dying?

VILA: I'm thinking about it.




AVON: Nothing very special. Temperate climate in the equatorial zone, but both polar regions are uninhabitable. Temperatures remaining close to absolute zero.

VILA: Sounds bracing.


BLAKE: All right, Avon, get kitted up. You too, Vila.

VILA: Good, terrific. I'm really looking forward to this. Danger, excitement, sudden death. I can't wait.


VILA: You're quite sure you need me?

BLAKE: Certain.

AVON: Doesn't it make you feel good to be wanted?

VILA: I've been a wanted man all my life. What I need now is to be unwanted.


AVON: It would be stupid to be shot up by our own allies.

VILA: Not only stupid—painful.


The Keeper


VILA: Hey, the air's a bit niffy.

JENNA: Hmm, sulphur. Rots your lungs eventually.

VILA: Marvellous, I can hardly wait.


VILA: Ah, don't leave me here, at least leave me a torch. I don't like the dark. I like to see what I'm scared of.


Star One


VILA: Then they are expecting an invasion? A hoard of hairy aliens?

ORAC: There is no logical reason why aliens should be hairy.

VILA: There is no logical reason why people should be hairy.




VILA: Will that hurt?

LOM: A little.

VILA: Oh. It's just I'm not very good with pain. It's not that I'm a coward or anything. It's just that I have a very low pain threshold. Hardly a threshold at all, actually.


VILA: Oh, you've no idea what I've been through.

CALLY: How is it?

VILA: Well, it's all right if you don't count the agony.




CALLY: I think it's time to start worrying.

VILA: I've been worried all along.


VILA: There isn't a volcano alive that would dare to swallow Avon.

CALLY: Be quiet Vila.

VILA: He's cold enough to put out the fire anyway.


[after the Pyroans destroy themselves rather than be conquered by Servalan]

CALLY: She lost, and we lost. Only the Pyroans won.

VILA: If that's winning, I'll take losing every time.


Dawn of the Gods


VILA: I'm now in the inspection compartment. I am now depressurizing. I am now trying to open the hatch.

TARRANT: [over comms] Use your delicate skilful touch.

VILA: [stomps on hatch which gives] I used my delicate skilful boot.


AVON: It would seem that this crude device is intended to frighten primitive people from underdeveloped worlds.

VILA: It's doing a pretty good job on me.


Harvest of Kairos


TARRANT: A bit of piracy, we agreed.

VILA: Yeah, piracy, not lunacy.


City at the Edge of the World


CALLY: It's a tracer. Orac can locate it and tell us exactly where you are at any time.

VILA: I'm not swallowing that.

AVON: It's perfectly harmless. It dissolves eventually.

VILA: Your hands clean?


VILA: I'll get you for this, Tarrant. I'll tear your arm off and beat you to death with the wet end.


VILA: I don't believe in suicide. It stunts your growth.


VILA: Oh, please. Can't we stop fighting now? Of all the things I enjoy doing, quarrelling with you comes five hundred and seventy-fourth on my list.

KERRIL: I'm sorry. Shall we go?

VILA: That list.

KERRIL: Things you enjoy doing?

VILA: You wouldn't be interested in what comes top of it, would you?


CALLY: Vila, we thought we'd lost you!

AVON: But every silver lining has a cloud.

VILA: I'd say you got that wrong, except I know you didn't.


Children of Auron


AVON: The trouble with the people of Auron is that they all suffer from a superiority complex.

VILA: You should get on well with them then.


[after Dayna takes a Federation officer's gun]

VILA: Disarming, isn't she?


Rumours of Death


SHRINKER: What have I ever done to him?

DAYNA: You killed someone he loved.

VILA: And there aren't many of them about. Avon's not a very lovable man, in case you hadn't noticed.


CALLY: [to Avon] We've talked about it and discovered we care what happens to you.

TARRANT: Within reason, of course.

DAYNA: We're as surprised about it as you are.

VILA: Not to mention, embarrassed.


TARRANT: Stay awake.

VILA: [on teleport duty] Of course.

TARRANT: And sober.

VILA: That was uncalled for. [he pours a drink] I only drink to be sociable. Cheers, Orac.




CALLY: [after shooting at a movement] I saw something. I think it must have been my reflection.

VILA: You can take modesty too far, you know.




 [after Cally disappears]

TARRANT: Why suddenly decide to teleport down to a strange planet?

VILA: Day trip?




VILA: [waking up on hearing his name] What's that? Oh, no. No to whatever it was.




VILA: Now, Cally, Dayna, let's not be violent. You know how I hate to see a man cry, especially when it's me.


VILA: There's nothing here. Everyone's gone home. Everything's closed.

CALLY: No joyous multitude?

VILA: No joyous anybody. I've seen more life in a prison blanket.


CALLY: Have a little patience, Vila.

VILA: What for? All that ever gets you is older.




TARRANT: Well, we can't always have what we want, Vila.

VILA: I had noticed.


VILA: [on leaving the Liberator] Incidentally, you should always be careful about getting a second-hand spacecraft. They can be very unreliable




VILA: [after rescuing Tarrant] If I've broken my back hauling a corpse about, I'll never forgive you, Tarrant.


VILA: Orac got a bit dented. For which he blames me. It seems I rescued the wrong one.


DAYNA: You were supposed to be keeping an eye on Tarrant.

VILA: I saved his life once. Am I supposed to make a career of it?


[after Vila cracks Dorian's gun locker]

DAYNA: I worked for nearly a year on a gun like this. I never did get it right.

VILA: Just goes to prove what I've always said. Stealing's quicker.




TARRANT: Well, can't you bypass it?

VILA: No, they're foolproof.

TARRANT: Well, perhaps—

VILA: And before you say it, they're Avon-proof too.


GUNN SAR: What do you want?

VILA: A second chance?




VILA: Tarrant has about as much subtlety as a Tarsian warg-strangler.


SOOLIN: [to Avon] What did you do?

VILA: What any skilled technician does with solid-state circuitry: He kicked the living quartz out of it.




SOOLIN: Out of the mouths of drunks ...

VILA: Drunk? Who's drunk?

DAYNA: You are.

VILA: Show me how to get drunk on plain water and I won't waste time.

DAYNA: Well, then why pretend?

VILA: Because, my lovely Dayna and Soolin, no one ever tells someone who's drunk to volunteer.




AVON: Don't push your luck.

VILA: What luck?




AVON: Because apart from being a brilliant geologist and an expert in mining techniques he is also greedy, avaricious, and a crook.

VILA: Has he got any faults?


VILA: [about a knife discovered on him] I found it.

GUARD: Where?

VILA: It was stuck in one of your men.


[after Tarrant throws a guard into the pressure plant producing a puff of red dust]

VILA: Nasty way to go. All that dust, very bad for the chest.


VILA: We've been trying to contact you for an hour. What the hell have you been doing, taking a nap?

AVON: [over comms] I've been doing what we came for. How about you?

VILA: Oh nothing much, I've been shot at, trodden on, nearly captured twice and now I think they're trying to blow me up. A fairly average day, you know.




KEILLER I've got a criminal record, you see.

VILA: Hasn't everybody?




AVON: What is the surface analysis, Slave?

SLAVE: Nitrogen, methane, and argon predominate. Also traces of free ammonia and sulphur compounds. It is unsuitable for your illustrious life form, Master.

VILA: He thinks it stinks, too.


EGRORIAN: Now, then, Avon. What would you say if I offered you mastery of the galaxy?

AVON: Oh, I would say thank you.

VILA: For a whole galaxy? Oh, come on, Avon, show the man some gratitude.


EGRORIAN: [giggles] Do you think my mind is addled?
: No, no, it's just we don't get offered galaxies every day of the week.



DAYNA: It's going badly.

VILA: Hardly surprising. Avon's idea of diplomacy is like breaking someone's leg then saying, "Lean on me."




VILA: We know what we've got planned. Running away is what we've got planned.

DAYNA: A strategic withdrawal is what we've got planned.

VILA: There's a difference?

TARRANT: Oh, yes. A strategic withdrawal is running away—but with dignity.

VILA: So lay in a course and let's get the dignified hell out of here!


VILA: Does that mean safer?

AVON: In the end, winning is the only safety.

VILA: It doesn't mean safer. I didn't think it would.


VILA: There must be something we can do!

AVON: I'll accept suggestions!

VILA: How does "Abandon ship!" grab you?


SOOLIN: Surely you're not afraid of the dark.

VILA: Only when it's unilluminated.


SOOLIN: If you want to survive on this planet you have to assume that everyone is out to get you.

VILA: I always assume that wherever I go.


VILA: You can't kill me. I'm completely harmless, I'm armless.





The Way Back


BLAKE: Why are you here? You didn't tell me.

JENNA: I was trading round the Near Worlds. I'm a free trader.

VILA: A smuggler. She's a big name. It's an honour to be locked up with her.

JENNA: I'm glad you're pleased.


Space Fall


BLAKE: All right, you go then.

VILA: Me? Uh, I'd be glad to, it's just that I've got this problem with confined spaces. There's a medical name for it.

JENNA: Cowardice?


Cygnus Alpha


BLAKE: Let's look around the rest of the ship. And find out exactly what it is we've stolen.

JENNA: Salvaged.


ZEN: Wisdom must be gathered, it cannot be given.

AVON: Don't philosophise with me you electronic moron. Answer the question.

ZEN: Zen!

AVON: Zen!

JENNA: I don't think he likes you, somehow.

AVON: I think I may have to reprogram this machine.

JENNA: That still won't make you likable.




JENNA: Are you ready?

VILA: Tell him I've just worked out a completely new strategy. It's called running away.

JENNA: He's ready.


AVON: It had better be right. A fraction out and you could put us down in the middle of the security barracks.
: Don't tempt me.




RENOR: I love girls with a sense of humour.

JENNA: Yes, I can see where that would be an advantage.


RENOR: Do you believe in love at first sight, Jenna?

JENNA: Not yet.




JENNA: It's enough to fry your eyeballs.

AVON: Daintily put.

JENNA: It must be the company I keep.


AVON: Moon discs. Prized by collectors.

BLAKE: People collect odd things.

JENNA: Look what you ended up with.


Voice from the Past


[looking at an asteroid]

AVON: Predictably barren.

JENNA: Wretched mining companies. No sense of aesthetics.

AVON: What do you want them to do, landscape?

JENNA: Well, they could make an effort.





Space Fall


AVON: [about Vila] You've got an army of five, Blake. Five and him.


Cygnus Alpha


JENNA: Is there a maximum range on this?

AVON: Of course. I don't know what it is though.


Time Squad


VILA: [to Blake] I don't follow you.

AVON: Oh, but you do. And that's the problem.


GAN: Deaf, dumb, and blind, how are they going to catch us?

AVON: I'm sure Blake will manage it somehow.


AVON: And he's useless as he said.

VILA: 'Harmless' was the word I used.

AVON: You couldn't even get that right.


The Web


AVON: [to Gan about the automatic repair system] It's slow. You should appreciate that problem.




JENNA: Avon's right.

AVON: I usually am.


Mission to Destiny


AVON: Right, I'll just contact Vila. [over bracelet comms] Are you awake?

VILA: [over comms] No.

AVON: [smiles] That's what I thought.


CALLY: Remember that Avon and I will be staying. We will regard ourselves as hostages against Blake's return.

AVON: Well, thank you, Cally. What a clever idea.

CALLY: Blake will return.

AVON: You can bet your life on it. In fact you've just bet both our lives on it.


CALLY: My people have a saying: a man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.

AVON: Life expectancy must be fairly short among your people.




AVON: It's just a machine, Blake.

VILA: And he should know.

GAN: Well Avon is the expert.

VILA: That's not what I meant.

AVON: No, he was calling me a machine, but since he undoubtedly defines himself as a human being, I shall choose to accept that as more of a compliment than anything else.


Project Avalon


BLAKE: Does it support any intelligent life?
AVON: Does the Liberator?


AVON: Another idealist, poor but honest. I shall look forward to our meeting with eager anticipation.

BLAKE: Is your anticipation eager enough to come down there with me?

AVON: Not quite. I think I shall contain my enthusiasm here in the warm.


VILA: I've got a weak chest.

AVON: The rest of you's not very impressive.




VILA: I'm entitled to my opinion.

AVON: It is your assumption that we are entitled to it as well that is irritating.




AVON: If we don't get drug treatment very soon, we shall die.

VILA: Die? I can't do that!

AVON: I'm afraid you can. It's the one talent we all share, even you.


AVON: Is Vila on his way as well?

GAN: No, he's doing his best to convince himself that he feels fine. Says we'll just remind him that he doesn't.

AVON: Sometimes he shows distinct signs of intelligence.




VILA: When you get Zen working, ask him to prescribe something for a headache, will you? I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes.

AVON: Have you considered amputation?


 [after Avon saves Blake's life]

BLAKE: That is one I owe you.

AVON: Don't worry. At the right time, I will remind you of it.




AVON: They have a sentimental value for me.
: Oh, family heirlooms, eh?
: No, I'm just sentimental about money.


BLAKE: Your sense of timing is as impeccable as ever.

AVON: I have always admired your patience.


GAN: Can't find Orac. Even tried calling his name.

AVON: Oh, I'm sorry I missed that. It's the kind of natural stupidity no amount of training could ever hope to match.


BEK: [to Vila] With what you drank, you're lucky to remember who you are.

AVON: I would hardly call that lucky.


VILA: Where are all the good guys?

BLAKE: You could be looking at them.

AVON: What a very depressing thought.


JENNA: [about Cally's moon-disc] I thought they died if they left the planet.

CALLY: No, you have to talk to them

AVON: That's like talking to Vila. A complete waste of time.




AVON: Auron may be different, Cally, but on Earth it is considered ill-mannered to kill your friends while committing suicide.




VILA: Why don't you go?

AVON: You are expendable.

VILA: And you're not?

AVON: No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.


Pressure Point


BLAKE: All right, I didn't expect you to welcome the idea. That's why I misled you just a little.

AVON: That's very diplomatically put.

BLAKE: Is my phraseology your only complaint, Avon?

AVON: No, but it is my only surprise.


VILA: I don't want to go.

AVON: You surprise me.

VILA: I don't feel well. I'm going to be a big handicap.

AVON: I'm used to that.




JENNA: What would you know about guilt?

AVON: Only what I've read.


VILA: Paradise that is not.

AVON: Perhaps Blake knows something that we don't.

VILA: There aren't even any people down there.

AVON: So it has at least one aspect of paradise.


BLAKE: [on a recorded message] ...I took one hell of a risk with your lives when I went ahead with the attack on Central Control. I thought it was justified, I thought we had a chance to win. And I was wrong. Completely, utterly, stupidly wrong.

AVON: I noticed that.


VILA: They missed us! Avon's gadget works!

BLAKE: I never doubted it for a moment. [to Avon] Is something wrong?

AVON: It just occurred to me, that as the description of a highly sophisticated technological achievement, 'Avon's gadget works' seems to lack a certain style.




AVON: I told you, he's a friend of mine.

VILA: Yes, I always knew you had a friend. I used to say to people, 'I bet Avon's got a friend, somewhere in the galaxy'.

AVON: And you were right. That must be a novel experience for you.




BLAKE: Looks as though the Federation have developed a shield themselves.

CALLY: Yes, well, they got very very close before we saw them.

AVON: That is the most depressing aspect of the whole affair. I was rather hoping to sell them the idea.


VILA: What have I done to deserve this?

AVON: How long a list would you like?




BLAKE: It's locked.

VILA: Allow me. You see—the old magic's still there.

AVON: The old ego, too.


Voice from the Past


VILA: And then he just stopped talking.
: Why don't you follow his example?




[Avon suggests how to cheat the Big Wheel]

VILA: Ohhhh, that is beautiful! Avon, there are times when I almost get to like you.

AVON: Yes, well, that makes it all worthwhile.


Star One


[Avon shoots an Andromedan]

LURENA: What are they?

AVON: Unfriendly. Which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to love.




 [after Dayna kisses Avon]

AVON: What was that for?

DAYNA: Curiosity.

AVON: I'm all in favour of healthy curiosity. I hope yours isn't satisfied too easily.


DAYNA: Without danger there's no pleasure.

AVON: That must limit your range of pleasures a bit.


MELLANBY: Blake and the Liberator? I've been hearing reports for the last couple of years. You were magnificent.

AVON: Not from where I was sitting.


SERVALAN: You are infinitely corruptible. You'd sell out anybody, wouldn't you?

AVON: I don't know; I never really had an offer I felt was worthy of me.


SERVALAN: I'm going to be honest with you.

AVON: That should be mildly disconcerting.




DAYNA: There were only two. I should have been able to kill them both.

AVON: We all have our off days.


 [after finding a dead guard with a knife in his back]

AVON: That's a difficult way to commit suicide.


DAYNA: Avon, why do you keep everything to yourself? Why so secretive?

AVON: Perhaps I'm shy.


TARRANT: Naturally I heard something of what Blake and the rest of you were doing.

AVON: We tried not to keep it a secret.


AVON: That one's Cally. I'll introduce her more formally when she wakes up. This one is Vila. I should really introduce him now, he's at his best when he's unconscious.


AVON: [to Dayna and Tarrant] Welcome to the Liberator.

VILA: And you are, welcome to it.

CALLY: Oh, given the choice would you rather be a load of spare parts down there?

AVON: Or one spare part up here?




VILA: Pretty? Yes, I suppose she is. I hadn't really noticed.

AVON: We've seen you not really noticing. Frequently.


Dawn of the Gods


VILA: Why don't I ever win?

AVON: Being a born loser may have something to do with it.


AVON: [about Vila] Our hero lives.

TARRANT: At least he didn't try to get into a spacesuit.

AVON: I look upon self-interest as my great strength.


City at the Edge of the World


VILA: Let's get on with it, then.

AVON: No last minute protests, no sudden illnesses?


CALLY: Vila, we thought we'd lost you!

AVON: But every silver lining has a cloud.


Children of Auron


CALLY: So it's just revenge you're after?

AVON: Just and sweet.


Rumours of Death


AVON: You know Orac's main drawback?

DAYNA: He's too useful to destroy.

AVON: Irritating, isn't it?




VILA: We are going to be able to get back, aren't we? I shouldn't like to have to spend the rest of my life here.

AVON: Don't worry. It wouldn't be a long one.


TARRANT: I don't take any orders from you.

AVON: Well, now that's a great pity, considering that your own ideas are so limited.


TARRANT: And tomorrow, everything will look different?

AVON: If it does, you can assume you're on the wrong ship.




DAYNA: Whatever it is, I don't like the look of it.

AVON: Question is, does it like the look of us?


AVON: You really believe in taking risks, don't you?

TARRANT: Calculated ones.

AVON: Calculated on what? Your fingers?


ULTRA 2: There is another process involved. Nucleoplasmic absorption.

TARRANT: Oh, well that's a relief. I thought it might be something complicated.

ULTRA 1: The process is extremely complex.

AVON: Ignore him. That's what passes for wit on board our ship.


AVON: [to Vila on teleport] I told you to stand by, not lie down.




TARRANT: What would Servalan want with a penal colony?

AVON: Who knows? Perhaps she wants to compare notes with some other genocidal maniacs. Or take a refresher course in basic brutality.


GROSE: The Liberator? That's Blake's ship.
: He liked to think so.




AVON: I presume you have no tedious scruples about cheating and lying?

TARRANT: None at all.

AVON: Oh, good.




DAYNA: Don't you ever get bored with being right?

AVON: Just with the rest of you being wrong.


DORIAN: Name's Dorian. And in case you hadn't noticed, I just saved your friends' lives.

AVON: You know what they say. No good deed goes unpunished.


TARRANT: It's just a Wanderer class planet hopper. Mark II by the look of it. Obsolete, but functional.

AVON: I want it flown, not catalogued.




SOOLIN: Doesn't have much time for Tarrant does he?

AVON: Ah well, Tarrant is brave; young; handsome. There are three good reasons for anyone not to like him.


VILA: Blake would have been proud of you, you know.

AVON: I know, but then he never was very bright.


AVON: Slave! Give me manual control! I'm banking on them searching outwards, not inwards.

VILA: And if you're wrong?

AVON: If I'm wrong you can say "I told you so", provided you speak loudly and quickly.




VILA: You know, they say all your life passes in front of you when you're about to, about to... y'know. It's what's happening to me now. All my past life....

AVON: That's one misfortune we don't have to share.




VILA: This isn't fair, you know.

AVON: No. It's pretty foul by the look of it.




DAYNA: A hired assassin with Servalan as his utiliser - why?

AVON: I don't want to seem paranoid, but the tape said five subjects. You may use your fingers, if you like, Vila.


TARRANT: Oh, come on. Nobody's infallible.

AVON: All right, then he's not infallible. It's just that up to now, he has never failed.




DAYNA: Oh, I trust you, Avon.

AVON: I must be slipping.


SOOLIN: [about Vila] His pulse is very weak.

AVON: Well that should go very nicely with the rest of him.




EGRORIAN: Natural leaders are rarely encumbered with intelligence. Greed, egotism, animal cunning, and viciousness are the important attributes. Qualities I detect in you in admirably full measure.

AVON: I didn't come here to be flattered.


EGRORIAN: Now, then, Avon. What would you say if I offered you mastery of the galaxy?

AVON: Oh, I would say thank you.




AVON: But then figureheads aren't too difficult to come by. Any idiot can be one.

DAYNA: Hey, on your feet, Vila. This could be your big moment.

AVON: Any idiot within reason, that is.


AVON: The fire was stupid. Putting Vila on guard was suicidal. What's the matter, is staying alive too complicated for you?





Space Fall


[after a guard refuses to open a door with a palm-print lock]
: Look, we only need the hand. If you want to stay attached to it, do as you're told.


Mission to Destiny


VILA: I don't like this.

JENNA: That's unusual.

VILA: Mock if you like, but I can always sense danger.

GAN: Yes, even when there isn't any.




VILA: There's hordes of them! And they don't seem to like us much!

GAN: How can you tell?







VILA: [drunk] Tell you what, I'll bring you back a present. What would you like, Cally? Name it and it's yours.

CALLY: A necklace, Vila, made from your teeth.


Star One


BLAKE: One door.

CALLY: As requested.

BLAKE: Well done, Cally.

AVON: It isn't marked 'Entrance'.

CALLY: Nobody's perfect.




CALLY: All right, but keep in touch. Heroic rescues can be embarrassing if you're not actually in danger.


City at the Edge of the World


AVON: It's a pity we're not all as reliable as Zen.

CALLY: But I thought you were.




VILA: Well, how can you enjoy yourself staying here?

CALLY: Well, maybe it's got something to do with the fact that you won't be.







JENNA: Modest, isn't he?

ORAC: Modesty would be dishonesty.


City at the Edge of the World


VILA: I think I've just made the biggest mistake of my life.

ORAC: In the light of your previous record, that seems unlikely. Hah! I would predict that there are far greater mistakes waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for them.







AVON: Are you any good with locks?

DAYNA: No, but then neither are you, by the look of it.

AVON: You should never judge by appearances.

DAYNA: I don't, I judge by results, and you're not getting any.


[after finding a dead guard with a knife in his back]

AVON: That's a difficult way to commit suicide.

DAYNA: Maybe he was cleaning it and it went off.




DAYNA: Vila didn't win again.

VILA: It was your fault. You put me off.

DAYNA: With pleasure. On the first planet we come to.


VILA: That doesn't make sense to me.

DAYNA: Well, then obviously it's the right answer.




DAYNA: Come on, Tarrant, I could've worked it out on my fingers by now. Move any faster, you'll break into a standstill.




VILA: On these old cargo ships only the main deck is pressurised in flight.

DAYNA: Oh, that'll be cosy.

VILA: Would you rather be snuggling up to those snakes? [he puts an arm around her]

DAYNA: Can I think about it— [she steps away] —and let you know?


TARRANT: Avon's quite capable of killing you, you know.

DORIAN: I never doubted it.

DAYNA: Beneath that cold exterior, beats a heart of pure stone.




VILA: It's a Space Rat!

SOOLIN: Friends of yours?

VILA: Friends? Space Rats? There's no such thing as a friend of a Space Rat. They even hate each other.

TARRANT: What else do you know about them?

VILA: They're maniacs, psychopaths! All they live for is sex and violence, booze and speed. And the fellows are just as bad. We had a couple in the penal colony once. They were always trying to frighten me.

DAYNA: And they never succeeded, of course.


VILA: I'm stuck.

DAYNA: So am I, Vila. With you.




VILA: They're after blood, my blood.

DAYNA: Tell them you've already given.




VILA: I never could stand the sight of blood.

DAYNA: The feeling is probably mutual.




VILA: What hit me?

DAYNA: Don't worry, Vila. They went for your least vulnerable spot.

VILA: Oh, my head!

DAYNA: Exactly.







DAYNA: And don't look so warlike.

TARRANT: Coming from you that's almost funny.


Dawn of the Gods


CALIPH: Where is Orac?
TARRANT: If he's not on the ship, I don't know where he is.
CALIPH: How tall is he? (Tarrant demonstrates) A dwarf?
TARRANT: We never think of him as one.
CALIPH: What is the colour of his hair?
TARRANT: He hasn't got any. A bald dwarf shouldn't be too hard to find.

Harvest of Kairos


VILA: Doesn't exactly look like a fortune, does it?

TARRANT: You have to spend it wisely then, won't you? Just buy one planet at a time.


SERVALAN: Unless, of course, you want to accept my word.

TARRANT: I'd rather accept the business end of a poisonous snake.


VILA: Are you sure you can dock this thing?

TARRANT: I hadn't really considered it.

VILA: What?

TARRANT: I thought we'd be dead by now.




VILA: My experience of aliens hasn't exactly been warming.

TARRANT: Your experiences with humans haven't been particularly glowing either.


VILA: My head's killing me.

TARRANT: You should learn self-defence.




VILA: What are you going to do if he spots you?





AVON: Pass out again and I'll leave you, Tarrant.

TARRANT: I'm surprised you came back this time.

AVON: We stand a better chance as a group.

TARRANT: What? While something is eating me you can get away?


TARRANT: Better strap down tight. I haven't lifted these into orbit too often.

DAYNA: How often?


VILA: When was that?

TARRANT: In about one minute and forty five seconds.


DAYNA: Don't tell me you're tired already.

TARRANT: All right, I'll keep it a secret.




VILA: Supposing they fire off a few interceptors in this direction?



VILA: A little hard work never hurt anyone.

TARRANT: How would you know?




TARRANT: Good shot though. If he hadn't already been dead, you'd have saved our lives for certain.

DAYNA: Oh, do I get a prize?

TARRANT: Sorry, disqualified on a technicality.




TARRANT: Being shut in here with you is rather like being locked in a cage with a panther—a black cat with large golden eyes and long silver talons.

SERVALAN: Oh, Tarrant. I'm just the girl next door.

TARRANT: If you were the girl next door, I'd move.

SERVALAN: Where would you move to, Tarrant?

TARRANT: Next door?




TARRANT: All right, everybody, stand by for a rather sudden visit to Gauda Prime.


BLAKE: Whose ship is this?
: Why? You thinking of making an offer for it?






AVON: Slave! What is our life support capability?

SLAVE: One hundred and fifty-five hours, Master.

SOOLIN: Oh! By the time the oxygen runs out, we'll be bored as well as dead.




ORAC: Join us, Soolin. We can fulfil your every desire.

SOOLIN: You wouldn't know where to start.




VILA: I never liked that place anyway.

SOOLIN: Especially not once the wine ran out.


DAYNA: You wouldn't have set us up, by any chance, would you, Avon?

SOOLIN: Now that is an unattractive idea. I really could be quite annoyed if I thought we'd been the bait in a trap you'd laid for them, Avon.







SERVALAN: I'm not sure exactly how far the range on this is. It's long, but you might outrun the signal. Now, I'm prepared to give you a small start.


SERVALAN: Research?


Harvest of Kairos


 [after Jarvik teleports with Dayna as captive]

SERVALAN: Now, Jarvik, the bracelets. I assume you did bring them all?

JARVIK: Of course.

SERVALAN: There seems to be a body in one of them.




SERVALAN: But I don't think of you as an enemy, Avon. I think of you as a future friend.




REEVE: There's nothing for you on Virn. Unless someone thought I'd be lonely?

SERVALAN: I'm sure you're accustomed to loneliness, Investigator Reeve. You must be alone such a lot.







ESCON: Apparently there's an enormous kinetic potential set up by teleport communications. A rough analogy would be the static build-up during an electrical storm.
: Yes, well, I'm always grateful for a rough analogy.


Project Avalon


TRAVIS: Oh, I'll need a human to assist in a test. Check with the detention block, see if they can give you someone.
: Any special characteristics?
: No, an ordinary unskilled labour grade will do—an expendable.
: If there isn't one in detention?
: Then detain one.


TRAVIS: I wish I could find the same urge to sacrifice among my subordinates.
: They have no cause.
: True.



Guest characters




BLAKE: Is there any way we can thank you?
: You could try getting caught.




SARKOFF: You'd sell your grandmother, wouldn't you?

TARVIN: I did. She was going to sell me, I got in first.




RONTANE: Shall we dine?

BERCOL: I wish I'd known that this was going to drag on so. I'd have brought my own chef. As I recall, Space Command's cuisine is appalling.




CHENIE: So. You've saved his life twice. Why?

TRAVIS: It's my noble nature.

CHENIE: Oh, yes, Travis. I can see. It shines from your one yellow eye.




TROOPER 2: Historic victory, that's what they'll call it.

TROOPER 1: [groans]

TROOPER 2: How does it feel to have made history?

TROOPER 1: Very painful, sir.


City at the Edge of the World


VILA: Where did you come from?

KERRIL: Here and there. Mostly there.


 [after making love in a room with a limited air supply]

VILA: We're still alive. Kerril. Kerril, we're still alive! We should be dead by now.

KERRIL: Are you bragging or complaining?


Rumours of Death


FORRES: Some days are better than others, sir. They say that where I come from, sir.

GRENLEE: Loudly, I imagine, on the day you left.

FORRES: My mother cried when I left. Thought she'd never see me again.

GRENLEE: Cries easily, your mother, does she?

FORRES: No, not really, sir. But I owed her money, you see. [Grenlee looks askance.] Oh, it's true, may I never leave this spot.

GRENLEE: That can be arranged, Section Leader.


SULA: Alive, Servalan can hand over power. Dead, she's just one more corpse. Haven't we got enough of those?

HOB: We're clearing them away now.




DARVID (VISCAST ANNOUNCER): "Space, the final frontier" as it was once called.


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