Vila walked jauntily along, hands in his pockets, pleased with the payment he had got for what he considered to be rather an ugly painting from a collector who had not wanted to purchase it legally from its previous owner. The so-called art-work had consisted mainly of overlapping rectangles. Not for the first time, Vila wondered whether he was in the wrong line of work. Nah, far easier to steal the things than paint them.
He passed the open door of a pub, hesitated, then turned back. Why wait till he was back in his own local to celebrate?
He walked in and looked around. Just the sort of place he liked—dark, warm, and welcoming, with the sound of friendly chatter. He went to the bar and bought a beer, then wended his way towards a corner where he would be able to sit with his back to the wall and observe everyone. He passed a group of tired-looking workers all in dirty brown labour grade overalls, a couple of querulous old people who glared at him as if he were the personification of what was wrong with young people today, then four people having an argument. Vila tried to look as inoffensive as possible. You never knew when that sort of thing might turn nasty.
"—whole point is that there's an infinite number of parallel universes."
Vila paused and raised his eyebrows. That was not something you heard every day, at least not in a Delta pub.
"But you said there're more being formed all the time," a woman said accusingly.
Vila turned to look.
"That's right," said the first speaker, an obese bearded man in a faded stained tunic. "Every time you or anyone else makes a decision, you get a split, one branch for each way it could go."
"But there's a lot of people all over the galaxy making decisions at the same time," the woman said. She had a round, puzzled, friendly face and short dark curly hair.
"Not to mention all the aliens," a tall thin man put in, grinning, "in every galaxy in the universe."
The woman nodded. "Well, how can you get something from nothing?"
The fat man looked smug. "You're not. That's infinity for you. Constant state."
"I don't get it."
Vila couldn't resist. "Because once you have infinity, you can't have more than that?"
All four of them stared at him in silence.
"Look, don't mind me. Forget I said anything." Vila began to edge away.
The thin man stretched out a long leg and shoved a chair towards Vila. "Sit down."
Vila did. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and looked at them doubtfully. They were a scruffy lot, even by Delta standards, and none of them were younger than thirty, a very advanced age to Vila at twenty-two.
"Think he's one of us?" the bearded man said.
"Come on," the thin one said impatiently. "How much does the average person know about infinity?"
"A finite amount?" Vila said tentatively.
They all looked at him again.
"He could be."
"We need some new blood."
"Go on, ask him."
"What's your name?" demanded the fourth person, a woman with long brown hair and a pugnacious jaw.
"Um, call me Spider." Vila had no intention of letting these people know his real name, and besides, he'd always rather fancied an alias. He'd read a book recently with a thief in it called that, and he liked both the character and the name.
"I'm Kol," the thin man said. "That's Rissa." He pointed at the plump woman with the friendly face, and she smiled shyly at him. "That's Nataly next to her, and this great lout is Jakes."
The fat bearded man opened his mouth and Vila expected him to say hello, but instead he belched loudly, and scratched meditatively under an arm.
"You a Delta?" Kol asked Vila.
"Course I am." Who else would drink here?
"Well, you're half-qualified anyway." Kol grinned at him encouragingly, "and you're obviously bright. Now the question is, are you an Alpha who opted out of the game—"
"Like Kol here did," Rissa said.
"—or a Delta who wouldn't play?"
"Huh?"
"Did you ever get offered promotion, Spider?"
What the hell. They didn't know who he was. Vila shrugged. "After the grading test when I was eleven, yeah. Beta technical they said." The scornful look on the woman Nataly's face spurred him to add the rest. "With possible promotion to Alpha later given—let's see now—" he sat up straighter, "—'an excellent command of language and an extraordinary vocabulary for my age'."
Kol leaned forward. "But you didn't take it," he said gleefully. "Discriminating lad."
Vila grinned. "Why bother? They'd expect me to study hard, then work for some bastard who'd never let me forget what I was. I like an easy life."
"As a courier?" There was still a faint sneer in Nataly's voice.
"Eh?" Vila remembered the faded blue overalls he was wearing. "Oh, no, I only wear this for making deliveries and pick ups. Don't get noticed, that way."
"Illegal goods, I suppose. Like drugs?"
"Certainly not, I have my standards. I'm a thief."
Rissa beamed at him and actually bounced in her chair. "I've never met a thief."
"You obviously have now," said Nataly.
"What do you all do, then?" Vila asked.
"As little as possible." Jakes wiped desultorily at the crumbs spread across the expanse of his stained tunic.
"Repair machinery," Kol said. "Just enough to get by."
"I read a lot and watch vids," Rissa said. She added defensively, "I've got a medical certificate, you know."
Nataly looked down her nose at Vila. "I think."
"Leave him alone, Nataly," Jakes said. "He's not used to you yet." He held out a large and greasy hand to Vila. "Welcome aboard, Spider."
Vila shook his hand, then surreptitiously wiped his own on his trousers under the table. "Thank you. Aboard what?"
"You're now officially a Delta Domehead."
Wonderful. He'd fallen into a den of geeks. The few Vila had come across had hardly encouraged him to seek out more; they'd made him feel quite suave and socially accomplished in comparison. He hoped none of his professional colleagues found out he was now considered one, or his life wouldn't be much fun. "Oh, ah...right."
Jakes poured himself another beer. "Back on topic though, we were discussing parallel universes."
"Because of this week's episode of Alien Emergency," Rissa explained.
Vila had seen that one. The personnel of the space station had been propelled into a universe where the kind-hearted doctor who was the star of the show was a mass murderer, the military commander was a cowardly janitor, the nervous but rather sweet nurse was a mutoid, and humans in general were the terror of the galaxy, causing all aliens, hairy or otherwise, to tremble in fear. Vila could well believe the last bit. "I didn't much like that one," he said.
"Ah-hah! You too reject the whole concept of alternate universes." Kol lifted both the jug of beer and his eyebrows.
"Pretty much." Vila held out his glass for a refill. "And even if there were any, well, everything's different there, isn't it? History, politics, probably even physics. So people's parents wouldn't meet, and even if they did, well what are the chances the very same sperm and egg would too? And then all those different people end up on the same base? I mean, science fiction's all very well, but that's going a bit far."
"We covered that months ago," Nataly drawled. "Do learn to suspend your disbelief, Spider. If you can believe that the Federation would fund a medical centre for aliens, you can believe anything."
"I suppose you're right. I'll practise, then." Vila grinned at her, unabashed. "Six impossible things before breakfast." He'd read that somewhere and liked it.
"And we weren't actually debating how far the writers of vid series can stretch probability," Nataly went on, "but whether or not alternate universes can exist per se."
Vila was rather glad he'd never worked 'per se' into a conversation before, as he'd have pronounced it quite differently. "A thought experiment, then?"
"That's right," Kol said. "And what do you think, young Spider?"
"Nah," Vila said, "I don't go along with it. Can't create matter or energy from nothing, can you?"
Rissa smiled. "He agrees with me!"
Jakes ignored her. "You can if there's an infinite amount of it to start with. You're not changing the state of the system then," he said somewhat indistinctly through a mouthful of bar snacks. "As you so rightly pointed out, even if you add an infinite number each second, you don't actually have any more than you had before."
"Well, yes, but that's a mathematical trick, like multiplying by zero," Vila objected. "And you have to get to infinity in the first place."
"Big bang," Jakes said, a mistake with a mouthful of crisps. He left the crumbs where they fell. "Infinity from nothing."
"So there's an infinite number of Jakes all living different lives?" Vila asked dubiously.
"That's right. And lots of Spiders too."
"Oh, no," Vila said emphatically. "I don't like that."
"That's stupid," Nataly said scornfully. "It's like saying you don't like gravity."
Kol cocked his head. "What don't you like? The theory or the idea?"
"The whole idea."
Vila ignored their amusement. It bothered him that there might be an enormous number of Vilas, some better and some worse off than he was. It was bad enough being one Vila without worrying about the fates of others who owed their existence to, say, whether or not he had toast for breakfast or went into a strange pub. And the thought that he might not even be the prime Vila, if there even was one, was enough to give him a headache.
All the same, when they had invited him back the next week—when, Kol said, all of the local Domeheads would be there—he had accepted. After all, the conversation had been much more interesting than the usual gossip and boasting and off-colour jokes in his own local.
***
'All of the local Domeheads' turned out to be the same four plus Jontan. Jontan was a slender blond youth dressed in a simple two-tone grey outfit which Vila recognised as current Alpha fashion.
He stared at Vila with an air of slight puzzlement when he was introduced. "I've seen you before," he said. "Do you go to university?"
"Now and then," said Vila.
Jontan's face lit up. "That's where I've seen you—in the library. You're a student too!"
"Not officially." Vila took in the occasional year one lecture, the ones that interested him like ancient history and electronics, as long as there were enough people present for him not to be noticed. He spent more time in the library with its wide selection of old books, but it may have been a mistake to sit in the same place too often, by the recently discovered delights of ancient Russian literature. He would have to change that. "But if you're a student," he said to Jontan, "you'd have to be at least a Beta. Slumming?"
"Alpha." Jontan leaned back on his chair and grinned. "They let me come here even though I broke the rules."
"We made an exception for Jontan," Kol leaned back in his chair. "He took promotion for his love of mathematics."
"Much good it did me." Jontan suddenly turned morose. "It doesn't matter how well I do, no-one can forget where I come from. No-one wants to take me on as a research assistant." He looked petulant. "No-one even wants to be seen talking to the ex-Delta."
"Why d'you put up with it then?" Vila asked.
"Mathematics!" The mercurial Jontan brightened. "It's the most beautiful thing in the universe. I just have to do it. I can't not."
Vila thought about the joys of rotating the shapes and circuitry of locks in his head until the pattern showed, and the exhilaration of solving each one. "I know exactly what you mean."
Jontan smiled.
Vila suddenly became aware that the others were staring at him almost accusingly. "What?"
"You go to the university."
"You go to student pubs."
"You go to the library."
"You couldn't get us in, could you?" The last was Rissa, looking wistful.
"Of course." Vila grinned. "I'm a thief, remember? Nothing easier than getting a student card. As for the pubs, Jontan's got it right. You'll get a drink, but that lot won't bother to talk to you unless they know you."
"You could get us library cards?" Nataly looked impressed for the first time.
"Students lose them all the time." And their pockets were depressingly easy to pick; no challenge at all. "I'll bring you some next week."
Jakes wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. "Spider. Mate. I could kiss you."
Vila was glad that he showed so signs of attempting it.
"You'll never have to buy a drink here again," Jakes went on.
Ah, now that was more like it.
"You'd better get him one then, Jakes. And don't forget the rest of us while you're up." Kol drained his glass. "In the meantime, how about this week's episode of Alien Emergency then?"
"I liked it," Rissa said. "I liked that the Doctor Malik had to be blown up to the size of a dome to treat that huge alien."
"Blown up's right," Vila said. "He'd be a huge cloud of gas and just blow away. They'd never get him back together again, not with all his molecules all mixed up with the air. And his tools'd be the same, all light and airy, they wouldn't work."
"You really are very literal, aren't you?" Nataly sneered.
"You're just sorry you didn't think of it first," said Rissa, and turned pink at her temerity.
"Maybe they expanded his atoms too," Jontan said thoughtfully. "I wonder how big they'd have to make him till we could see a nucleus." His eyes glazed.
"They can't have," Vila objected, "That'd be like what we talked about last week, getting something from nothing. It's as silly as that episode a few months back, the one where they made the him and Nurse Ling the size of peas so they could fix the cataracts in that insect alien's hundreds of little eyes."
"It's not the same," Jakes had returned with a tray of beers and a fruit juice for Jontan. "Different thing altogether. No loss of mass. Matter's mainly space so you just move all the molecules closer together."
Kol frowned. "I thought most of the space was in the atom not between them. And isn't there some theory? Jontan, you'd know."
"Uh, yes, I've read about it. Molecular reduction. I think it works by compressing the atoms themselves so the electron orbitals are closer. Not really my field."
"There you are," Jakes said. "Easy."
Vila moved in for the kill. "All right, so Malik and Ling are tiny, but they weigh the same. Right?"
"That's right."
"Then how could they walk around on that table without their little legs sinking into it like nails?" Vila asked triumphantly. "It's a massive problem." He paused for a reaction—not a sausage. He tried again. "D'you realise the gravity of the situation?"
Nataly sneered. "Puns are the lowest form of wit, Spider."
"But he has a point," Kol said.
Vila grinned. "That's right, I'm pretty sharp."
The groans and rolled eyes convinced Vila that puns really did not go down well with this lot. He doubted that limericks would be either. Pity, that.
"Maybe you could get round the problem by teleporting them, but only some of their atoms," Kol said thoughtfully.
"But how'd you get them back together again?" Rissa asked.
"And that's just swapping one problem for another," Nataly said. "Teleportation is equally unlikely."
"Actually," Jontan said, "I've heard they're working on matter transmission."
"Rumours," Jakes said, belching. "Propaganda."
"Interesting idea though," Kol said. "Turn matter to energy, beam it, turn it back."
"What d'you do with what's already there?" Vila asked. "Does the air get mixed up with you, then?"
"A you-shaped volume of air would be transmitted back to replace you."
Nataly snorted. "Not a good idea on planets with hostile environment, one would have thought."
"The real worry would be what happens to you," Jakes said reflectively. "Maybe you don't get transmitted, you get destroyed and a copy is created at your destination."
Vila looked appalled. "You mean you'd be killed the first time you used it, and just be a copy after that?"
"Who cares," Nataly said loftily. "If you didn't know, what difference would it make?"
On the way home, Vila decided that he was glad there was no such thing as teleportation, though if by some stretch of the imagination it ever came to a choice between being teleported and killed, he supposed he'd risk it and convince himself he was still the original.
***
"The whole thing about alien physiology, and I'm talking about real life here," Jakes said, "is that it isn't alien enough. If you watch all those nature shows they put on to fill up the vid schedule, animals and plants look much the same everywhere."
"See what you mean," Vila said, more confident after several weeks. "Everything has one head—"
"It would have to," Nataly said. "If you have more than one brain, by definition you're two creatures in one body."
Vila glared at her. "Aliens don't have to have their brains in their heads," he said with dignity, "but I shall add that to my list." He looked around at the others. "Just about everything in this galaxy has one head with a brain in it, two eyes, a mouth, and four limbs, five if you count a tail. Even fish. So there's a theme, see, a common design. We must all be related."
"What about insects, Spider, and snakes?"
"Well, all right, they're a bit different, but only with numbers of limbs. Still the same basic pattern, a head, two eyes even if they have lots of bits, one mouth or whatever. I mean, you don't get things with three eyes or legs, do you?"
"You get things with none." Nataly smirked. "Bacteria and amoebas."
"Oh... Look, you know what I mean. Animals, things you can see."
"Some of the lack of diversity could be due to the death of so many species from radiation back in the twenty-fifth century," Kol said. "The reason we built the domes."
"And just as well too." Rissa shuddered. "There's weather out there."
Vila decided against telling them about his occasional excursions Outside. "I wasn't talking about Earth. Look, why aren't other planets full of strange life?"
"Most can't support much," said Kol. "They're too rocky and barren to terraform. You don't get that many you can farm on."
"Doesn't explain why life's so samey though, does it?"
Jontan nodded. "There's a theory that all life originated on Earth, but just adapted to different conditions."
"Too short a time," Nataly said. "That takes millions of years, not thousands."
"Well, some creatures were genetically engineered for new planets," Rissa said.
"We know about those." Jakes crammed a handful of nuts in to his mouth. "What about others though, older cultures like the Auronar," he said indistinctly. "Look just like us. I agree that all life came from a common origin, but not Earth, that's too recent. Earth is just another colony that forgot its history."
"Ah. So each galaxy is seeded with its own life," Kol said. "Or each one could somehow have its own basic template, its own pattern for the form life takes. In other galaxies it could be unimaginably different."
Vila sincerely hoped he never found out.
"All right, you lot," the publican said, "You know the rules. Out."
Vila sighed and finished his beer. No drinking during morning or afternoon shift, under the assumption that all good Federation citizens were usefully employed. He decided to go home and make himself a nice espresso from the coffee beans he'd lifted along with some jewels the week before, and put his feet up. As he left, he felt a touch on his arm.
"Spider? Can I ask you a favour?"
It was Jontan. Here it comes, Vila thought, he wanted something opened. "Course you can," he said. "Doesn't mean I'll do it though."
"Walk with me a little way?"
"All right." Vila shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled along beside Jontan, who now seemed unwilling to ask his question. Despite what he'd said, Vila would probably do whatever it was. He liked a bit of appreciation and had basked in the admiration the Domeheads had shown him for a bit of minor pocket-picking. Mind you, he did his best to stay out of their way at the university library, doubtful of their ability to pass unnoticed. Already Jakes had been forcibly removed for contravening even the minimal dress and behaviour codes for students. The public Alpha and Beta libraries might be a safer bet for a while.
"The thing is," Jontan said finally, "it might be a bit much to ask, but it's my whole future."
Marvellous. Probably wants his grades changed. I'm a thief, not a hacker.
"You see, I don't want to teach or be a tutor. I want to be at the forefront, push the envelope, do something which has never been done before."
"My brain must've furred up. What's that got to do with me?"
"Well, you have to start as a research assistant, but no-one wants an ex-Delta. They don't say so, but my applications are always turned down, and all my grades are Alpha plus, so it's not that."
Vila shrugged. "Oh, well, that's their loss."
"But see, there's this brilliant physicist from another university who won't know about my past, so I'd have a chance with him. I've read his theories on parallel matter. So beautiful and elegant they'd bring tears to your eyes."
"Give me a pain behind them, more like. So what's your problem? Ask him. Just walk up to him and say hello."
"He's not at the university. He's at the Space Research Institute."
"Oh, no." Vila stopped abruptly, causing the man behind him to bump into him and swear. He grabbed Jontan's arm and pulled him aside, speaking quietly and urgently. "That's Space Fleet. I'm not having anything to do with the military. Get caught breaking in there, it's treason. That means a firing squad at dawn, and I'm allergic to those. Bring me all out in holes, they would."
"Please? You said you could get in anywhere." Jontan put his head on one side and a pleading note in his voice. "It'd be a feather in your cap."
"More than my life's worth, and that's quite a lot to me. Send him a message."
"It won't get to him. It's top military security there, no unauthorised communications with outside." When Vila failed to respond, the light went out of Jontan's eyes. "I knew it was too much to ask. It's all right, I understand. I just hoped..." He turned away, hunching his shoulders, and sniffled.
"Oh, now look." Vila patted him awkwardly. How old was the kid anyway? Kol had said he was one of the youngest to graduate. Maybe his age was as big a reason for his applications being turned down as his original grade. "Tell you what, I'll look the place over. Can't promise better than that, can I?"
***
The Space Research Institute was adjacent to the university because it shared some of its resources, and even had its own students, bright young officers from Space Fleet. The two guards outside the doors and the surfeit of black uniforms unnerved Vila, who walked by quickly without appearing to look. His hand however brushed the wall opposite the entrance, leaving a tiny camera which would record for several hours.
He came back the next day to retrieve it, then went home to watch what it had recorded.
Several civilians, probably scientists, went in at the beginning of the day and out at the end, but they would be too well-known by the guards at the door for Vila to pass as one. He studied the body-language of the guards and the visitors, and decided that being a courier was also out—the guards treated them and their packages with suspicion and checked their ID cards very thoroughly. The civilian scientists were recognised with a nod, but the students in their uniforms merely had to wave their passes.
Vila would have to be a Space Fleet officer. The mere thought almost made him feel ill enough to give the whole thing up, but then he remembered how much it meant to Jontan. It was the dream that drove him, and Vila didn't know what it would be like to feel that strongly about something. All right, he had daydreams of being safe, rich and loved, but when it came down to a choice, he preferred to put his feet up. He was already known as the best cracksman in the dome, possibly all of Earth, but he only ever bothered to use his talent to steal just enough to live comfortably on, or to impress others with the one thing he excelled at.
This time though, he could make someone's dream come true.
He sighed and began to practise walking with the arrogant confidence of the well-bred young officers. Anyway, he thought, he might look rather dashing in black.
***
Dressed in a Space Fleet lieutenant's uniform made for him by Rega, tailor to the underworld (she made all of his professional clothes and was well worth the money), Vila swaggered up to the guards at the double doors of the Institute, and flashed the ID card he had lifted from a student with similar colouring to his earlier that day. The guards ignored him as he pushed the doors open and went in.
Vila knew that pausing and looking lost would attract attention. One quick glance told him that lectures were to the right, research to the left. He turned left as if he did so every day and strode confidently down the corridor towards a door with the ominous sign Restricted Access. He stopped there and considered what to do. The datacube Jontan had given him was labelled with the scientist's name, so he could always leave it on the floor as if it had been dropped, and hope that it got to its destination. Still, now that he was here, professional pride demanded that he go through with it.
Vila looked back the way he'd come. The corridor was long, the building was quiet, and he'd be able to hear anyone coming in plenty of time. He dropped his ID card on the floor so that if he heard footsteps, he'd be able to bend down to pick it up as if he'd dropped it on his way out, a good reason for being by the door. Then he extracted a probe from a seam on his tunic and began to work. It only took six seconds to realign the circuitry to accept any card; Vila shook his head disapprovingly—very lax security. He picked up his ID card, inserted it to trigger the lock, and removed it and his probe in one smooth movement. Slipping both into his pocket, he pushed the door open with his other hand, closing the lock panel as he did so. No harm in doing the best job possible even without an audience; it paid to keep up to scratch. One last check before he let the door go. Yes, it was easily opened from the inside, as he'd expected. You'd need a fast way out if something went wrong, what with all those laboratories full of scientists with more brains than was good for them.
Walking briskly, Vila noted the signs on each door as he passed: Star Mapping, Stardrive Development, Matter Transmission Project... Eh? His step faltered at the last. Could that be teleportation? He was almost tempted to have a look, but decided not to take the risk. Still, the Domeheads would be interested to know that the rumours were right. Ah, Particle Physics—this was the place, and the name on the door was the one Jontan had told him, Dr Kasmir Egrorian. Pity that the Domeheads didn't like puns and his other friends wouldn't understand it, or Vila would be able to tell them that Dr Egrorian was very particular about his physics. Vila sighed regretfully, opened the door and went in.
"Yes? What do you want?" snapped a plump, balding, middle-aged man, looking up from a jumble of complicated-looking equipment. His face changed from irritation to pleasure when he saw Vila. "Ah, now you look a very likely lad." Behind him, his fair-haired young assistant glowered.
Vila didn't much like the sound of that comment. "Oh, um..." He pulled himself together. "Are you Dr Kashmir Agrarian?"
Egrorian smiled indulgently. "Close enough."
"This is for you." Vila stepped forward, doing his best to look efficient and military, and handed him the datacube containing Jontan's dissertation.
Egrorian took it, puzzled. "What's this?"
"Dunno really. Something to do with parallel matter, I think."
"Is it, now?" Egrorian looked at the cube curiously and pocketed it.
Relieved that he had accomplished his mission, Vila turned to go.
"Where are you off to in such a hurry, dear boy? Do stay and have some refreshment." Egrorian waved his hand towards a bench with two mugs, several flasks of liquids, and a half-eaten sandwich curling at the edges.
Laboratories were not high on Vila's list of safe places for a drink. "Uh, no thanks. Not on duty." He stared curiously around the room.
"Would you like a tour?"
"All right." Well, why not? After all, he'd never been in a real lab before; you couldn't count the ones at school where all the equipment was clapped-out discards from higher grades. This one hummed and smelt, well, electric.
Egrorian dropped an arm across Vila's shoulders and steered him towards one of the sources of the humming, a large metal contraption fed by thick power cables. "Know anything about parallel matter?"
"The stuff parallel universes are made of?"
"Clever lad." Egrorian squeezed Vila's shoulder. "What about tachyon particles?"
"Aren't they something to do with time?"
"You're wasted in Space Fleet." Egrorian's hand slid down Vila's back to his waist. "They're faster than light, so yes—to an observer in our continuum they might well look as if they were going backwards in time. We're going to fire some." He pointed to a tiny sphere of matter hovering in a null-grav field just in front of an opening in the device. "Do you see the target?"
Vila leaned forward until the field tickled his nose, and Egrorian leaned back, the better to afford himself a view of Vila from behind. He smiled appreciatively and waved his free hand in the direction of his assistant. "Maximum power."
Vila leaped back, alarmed, taking himself well out of range of both the machine and Egrorian.
"It's all right," Egrorian said soothingly, "you're quite safe."
Glaring sullenly at Vila, the assistant went to the machine, and pressed a button. For a second, the hum rose to a whine. Egrorian peered at some dials, muttering to himself, "They'll have to listen to me soon. They'll be sorry they laughed, oh yes..."
"Um, it's still there," Vila said tentatively.
"Not all of it. A measurable part of the mass has gone." Egrorian gave an odd high-pitched giggle. "Quite gone."
Vila remembered reading that atoms were never destroyed, that even he was made of star-stuff, an idea that had enchanted him. To destroy mass, to remove it from existence, would take more power than this machine had. "Where did it go?" he asked.
Egrorian raised his eyebrows. "A most perspicacious question. See?" he turned to his assistant. "This estimable young man has more grasp of the essentials than you, idiot." Ignoring the poisonous glare he got in return, he came over to Vila and waggled his finger at him. "Any ideas?"
"Uh, into another universe?"
Egrorian clapped his hands in delight. "Clever lad!" He slid his arm around Vila again. "I could get to like you, petit choux."
Vila smiled gamely—now was his chance. "These parallel universes, are there lots of them? New ones every time someone makes a choice?"
"Oh, good heavens, that old chestnut. Of course not. A popular misconception based on the behaviour of paired particles."
If you say so, Vila thought.
"There is one parallel universe for each set of possible physical constants and laws, so you wouldn't even be able to recognise anything there, let alone live there."
"That's a relief. So there's only one of me."
"Sadly, yes. You are quite, quite unique." Egrorian patted Vila on the bottom.
Vila stepped smartly away. "Thank you very much," he said, and added quickly, "I mean for telling me that." He edged towards the door. "But look, I really have to go, sorry."
"Quel dommage," Egrorian pouted. "But I shall have the pleasure of your company again?"
It was very flattering, really. Pity Egrorian wasn't his type. Wrong set of chromosomes for a start. "Oh, uh, yes of course." Vila flashed a smile at them both and made his escape.
Out in the corridor, he rolled his eyes. He'd have to warn poor Jontan off. Still, all was not lost—he'd found out that Jakes" alternate universes with their alternate Vilas didn't exist, and that made it all worthwhile.
Cheering up, he walked out of the building with well-practised Alpha confidence, down the street, and into a public convenience. He removed his uniform, turned it inside-out, put it back on, and emerged as a scruffy young Delta dressed in washed-out shades of brown. He put his hands in his pockets and slouched off, looking forward to a nice cold beer.
***
Egrorian took the datacube out of his pocket and looked at it. That charming young stripling had mentioned the mathematics of parallel matter. Curious, Egrorian put it into his computer and sat down at his screen.
The cube contained the dissertation of a student at the university who wanted to work with him, and the mathematics was nothing short of brilliant. With this to support his theories, surely success was in his grasp. Egrorian looked over his screen at his assistant who was resentfully sweeping the floor, and smiled—at last he'd be able to get rid of the dolt. He returned to the screen and scrolled to the end for personal data on the writer, rather hoping that it would be that rather delicious boy with the honey hair and chocolate eyes. No, it wasn't, but there was a picture, and Egrorian was not disappointed.
***
"You can't," said Vila. "I met the man, and he's a letch, couldn't keep his hands off me."
Jontan stared at him in honest puzzlement. "What on earth does that matter? He has a beautiful mind, and he says I'm the only one now he's met me."
"All right," said Vila, "but don't say I didn't warn you. It's your funeral."
***
"Here's to Jontan!"
"Jontan!" they all chorused, lifting their glasses.
Flushed and happy, Jontan stood up, swayed and almost fell, having drunk more alcohol in that evening than in all of his seventeen years. "To me," he said lifting his glass and almost losing his balance, "mamethaticky prodigal—" he paused, blinking, "—well, y'know what I mean..."
"We'll miss you," Rissa said, her gentle eyes a little moist.
"Why?" Vila asked. "He'll still be around."
"Nope," Jontan peered blearily at him. "No more fratisining...franert...seeing you lot, not once I'm at the Space Inst...that place. They'll keep an eye on me."
Not to mention a hand or two, Vila thought. "Good luck," he said. You'll need it.
"Another toast," Jakes held out the jug to refill their glasses.
"A different one this time." Kol stood up and held out his hand. Bemused, Jontan took it, and Kol shook it solemnly. "From now on you have to be a full-time Alpha. No more first names, you know how it is."
Vila was glad he didn't have to be Restal; it sounded so cold and unfriendly, and besides, it was the name on all the wanted posters. He wondered what Jontan's last name was.
Kol held up a hand for silence, lifted his glass, and waited until everyone else raised theirs. "To Pinder!"
They all shouted joyfully, "To Pinder!"
The end