My response to a mailing list challenge to write TV ads for current products, but using the characters from Blake's 7. I did three.
A 30-ish man with a friendly face and warm brown eyes smiles at the camera from behind a desk. "Hello, I'm Vila Restal. My wife Kerril bought me a Remington shaver for my last birthday."
An attractive blonde woman enters the shot and playfully knuckles Restal's smooth cheek. "Oh, you" she says fondly.
"And I liked it so much—" Restal stands up, "—I burgled the company!" Grinning, he opens his jacket to reveal a profusion of inner pockets, all stuffed with Remingtons.
***
A beautiful young black woman and a tall curly-haired young man, both sweating, are flattened against a grey metal wall in a corridor as bullets ricochet around them from out of shot (stage right).
The man says, "Have you got any ideas?"
"I've been working on a heat-seeking bomb." The woman turns her back to the camera, and produces a hemispherical device with wheels from somewhere within her skin-tight cat-suit. "Here's one I prepared earlier." She starts to set the controls but the bomb slips from her grasp. "Oops!"
The man tries to catch it, but it slides out of his hands too, rolls away on the floor, beeps, then comes back towards them. Their eyes widen with horror.
A third man, older, dark-haired, and not perspiring despite his black leather outfit, steps into shot (from stage left). He sighs, picks up the device, resets it, and puts it back on the floor. It scoots off round the corner out of sight (to stage right), and there's a large explosion followed by screams of pain, then silence.
The older man turns to the camera, raises an eyebrow, and says, "Stay both cool and dry, even in the heat of battle." He whips out a deodorant, twirls it like a Colt, then holds it to the camera. "Use Cool Charm." He smiles a reptilian smile. "I do."
***
Two men are skulking in the bushes, dressed in anoraks. Their surroundings are inhospitable and the weather very cold; their breath is visible. One of them, a miserable-looking fellow with sad brown eyes and lightish hair, is shivering uncontrollably. The other, dark-haired, saturnine, and obviously in charge, glares at him.
"Quiet, Vila. Listen, there's a man in that cave. Do you think you can keep an eye on him?"
"I suppose so," Vila says unenthusiastically. "I've got my gun."
"I'm going on. You stay here and keep watch. Oh, and do stay alert."
"Yes, yes." Vila's teeth chatter. "I'm freezing," he complains.
"Well, freeze in silence," the dark-haired man says unsympathetically, and leaves.
Vila shivers, coughs weakly, and his head nods forward as he starts to drift off to sleep. With an effort, he opens his eyes and blinks owlishly in an attempt to stay awake. Then his face lights up as he thinks of something. He pulls a bottle of pills from his pocket and takes one. His shivering stops, his cheeks glow, and his eyes sparkle.
A rather wild-looking old man approaches with a knife, but Vila leaps up, his handgun at the ready.
"Chilly, isn't it?" he says cheerfully. "And I think you'll find a gun out-trumps a knife."
Voice-over: "Blackmore's Health Products to get you through winter. Multivitamins and selected minerals to boost your immune system, strengthen weak chests, and keep you fighting fit."
The end